Luke is (usually) Mr.Flexibility, but Benjamin is my little boy with a mind of his own. Ben likes to
feel that anything he does was his decision. This generally applies to every part of his day. Every. Single. Part.
Now, many people would label him as stubborn, but since I know that he mainly gets this from me,I prefer to call him independent.
Independence can be a wonderful trait. I am hopeful that it will be what causes him to resist
peer pressure and be his own person. When other people tell him that he isn't big enough, strong enough, smart enough, whatever enough, I pray his little independent spirit will tell them that he is content with the person God designed him to be and that they can just deal with it.
Stubbornness, however, is what I am dealing with now. If someone else suggests it, Ben does not want to do it. You could say, "Ben, come eat your ice cream sundae!" and he would
absolutely refuse. He has to feel that eating that sundae was his choice. Our best method of getting our little two year old to do anything is to make him feel as if he was making a choice. We find two options that are both satisfactory to Aaron and I, then allow Ben to make a decision.
(Now, there are times where he has no choice. He can pick which book to read in the car, but he has no choice about being strapped into his car seat. He can pick which stuffed animals to bring to
bed at night, but he has to stay in bed. We have also been known to use my friend Susie's expression, "You git what you git and you don't pitch a fit! Ben knows “the look” and he can
tell when we’re not messing around.)
Examples:
feel that anything he does was his decision. This generally applies to every part of his day. Every. Single. Part.
Now, many people would label him as stubborn, but since I know that he mainly gets this from me,I prefer to call him independent.
Independence can be a wonderful trait. I am hopeful that it will be what causes him to resist
peer pressure and be his own person. When other people tell him that he isn't big enough, strong enough, smart enough, whatever enough, I pray his little independent spirit will tell them that he is content with the person God designed him to be and that they can just deal with it.
Stubbornness, however, is what I am dealing with now. If someone else suggests it, Ben does not want to do it. You could say, "Ben, come eat your ice cream sundae!" and he would
absolutely refuse. He has to feel that eating that sundae was his choice. Our best method of getting our little two year old to do anything is to make him feel as if he was making a choice. We find two options that are both satisfactory to Aaron and I, then allow Ben to make a decision.
(Now, there are times where he has no choice. He can pick which book to read in the car, but he has no choice about being strapped into his car seat. He can pick which stuffed animals to bring to
bed at night, but he has to stay in bed. We have also been known to use my friend Susie's expression, "You git what you git and you don't pitch a fit! Ben knows “the look” and he can
tell when we’re not messing around.)
Examples:
Problem: It is 40 degrees out and Ben needs to wear a jacket.
Choice: Ben, do you want to wear the blue jacket or the green jacket?
Problem: Ben doesn't want to eat his dinner.
Choice: Ben, do you want to eat your broccoli first or your chicken?
Problem: Ben doesn't want to pick up the blocks.
Choice: Ben, are you going to pick up the red blocks first or the blue blocks first?
I know people who would completely disagree with me on this issue. Some would say, "He just
turned two! He doesn't need choices! He just needs to obey his mom and dad."
I agree and disagree, but probably only as a matter of wording.
Choice: Ben, do you want to wear the blue jacket or the green jacket?
Problem: Ben doesn't want to eat his dinner.
Choice: Ben, do you want to eat your broccoli first or your chicken?
Problem: Ben doesn't want to pick up the blocks.
Choice: Ben, are you going to pick up the red blocks first or the blue blocks first?
I know people who would completely disagree with me on this issue. Some would say, "He just
turned two! He doesn't need choices! He just needs to obey his mom and dad."
I agree and disagree, but probably only as a matter of wording.
Agree: Ben does have to learn to obey his parents, but that is why we offer the choice before he flat out refuses. We've learned a great deal about how Ben operates and already know what is going to cause him to turn into a puddle of Benjamin mush.
Disagree: Everything we do is a choice. Aaron chooses to get up and go to work in the morning to support our family. I choose to make sure that my kids are fed, dressed (well, most of the time) and cared for every day. We choose to use our money to pay our bills so that we can live in
our house. We choose to go to church as a family every Sunday. We choose to obey laws.
As a parent, part of my responsibilities (that I choose to fulfill) is to teach my kids to make good
choices. I'm also teaching them that each choice comes with consequences. They are learning that obeying their parents is a choice, but that if they choose to disobey, they will face consequences. Every. Single. Time.
our house. We choose to go to church as a family every Sunday. We choose to obey laws.
As a parent, part of my responsibilities (that I choose to fulfill) is to teach my kids to make good
choices. I'm also teaching them that each choice comes with consequences. They are learning that obeying their parents is a choice, but that if they choose to disobey, they will face consequences. Every. Single. Time.
I think that one of the biggest things I've learned from being a parent is to look at the future goals that we've set for our children (Aaron and I have actually made a list, but that is for a future post) and keep the long term in mind. I can't wait to see what God had in mind when he created this little stubborn, independent, contrary and adorable Ben.
No comments:
Post a Comment